


Last goodbye

by Navy_Blue



Category: Victoria (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Drummond still dies, Fix-It of Sorts, Historical character death, M/M, Sad, but they get to say goodbye, does that make it better?, probably not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2019-01-18 08:28:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12384567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Navy_Blue/pseuds/Navy_Blue
Summary: ugh this is a sad 'un. Edward still dies but at least Alfred gets a few days to prepare and say goodbye. Does that help? No.





	Last goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this was slightly miserable to write. I think I'm going to give up and just write Drummond lives!! stuff, cos wow no i do not like.

1.  
“Alfred? Alfred?” The Duchess moved through the dining hall towards him. _What on earth was she doing here?_ “Alfred, there’s a letter here. I want you to take a deep breath as you read it, it’s alright.”

He was confused, why was she here, and where was-

_Oh._

Lord Alfred Paget,  
I am writing to inform you Edward Drummond has been shot. He requests your presence at his house.  
He is alive.  
Doctor Woolwich.

“I have to go.”

“Of course, I’ve already told the staff to prepare a carriage. They should be here now, they’ll take you immediately.”

He thanked the Duchess. In his mind he knew she could see the look in his eyes; the stirrings in his heart at the mention of Drummond had always been written plainly on his face. What did he look like  
now his mind was full of the most awful images of Edward? He didn’t want to know.

The house was warm but silent when he arrived. A servant led him up the stairs to Edward’s room. The last time he’d claimed these stairs it had been with Edward holding his hand, giggling like teenagers, after returning from Scotland. That was the last time he’d been in Edward’s room too. He’d never imagined returning to it without the sounds of Edward’s laughter guiding him up the steep stairs.

“Lord Paget? I’m Doctor Woolwich-“

“Alfred, please.”

“Right, I see you got my note. Mr. Drummond was shot outside the houses of Parliament, we’re not sure why yet. I’ve removed the shot but he’s still very unwell. Please do not move him. I’ll be back to check on him later.” The doctor spoke softly but quickly, and left the room after gathering his things. Alfred was grateful he did not want to stay.

He sat on a low winged chair beside the bed, apparently brought up from the living room sometime today; it was not there the last time Alfred had been here.

“Alfred? You came.” He heard Edward’s voice from the bed. It was quiet, feeble; he’d never heard Edward sound like that. Faintness did not suit his voice.

“Of course.” He breathed.

“I thought- I thought you might be annoyed with me. I never showed up to dinner.” It was an attempt at humour at least.

“Well, it seems like you have a pretty good excuse. I’ll let you off this once, but next time…” Alfred’s voice trailed off. As soon as he had said the words he was suddenly all too aware there might not be a next time. There was still an awful lot of blood on the bandages around Edward’s chest.

“Can you- hold me? Please? It’s dreadfully cold in this room. I must get the maid to put the fire on.”

Alfred shook his head, biting his lip. “I shouldn’t move you, doctor’s orders.” It nearly broke his heart to refuse Edward but he would do anything to make sure he healed, despite the tears forming at the corners of his eyes.

Edward moved his hand slightly towards him, wincing in pain. Alfred placed his hand over it, it was so cold despite the fire in the hearth. He felt Edward’s fingers tighten slightly around his thumb, the grip was weak and it made him feel sick.

 

2.  
The next day Alfred woke to the doctor entering the room. He looked surprised to see Alfred still there in the armchair, but didn’t ask him to leave. Alfred’s fingers were still tightly entwined with Edward’s on the blanket, painfully visible, but he couldn’t bring himself to withdraw. His neck ached from leaning against the side of the chair, but at least Edward looked better.

“Is he going to be alright?”

“Still too early to say. He was shot, Lord Alfred, and that can take a long time to heal. He might not-“ the doctor stopped, aware that Edward was stirring next to him. 

“I need to change his bandages.”

“Ok,” replied Alfred, untangling his hand from Edward’s.

“Well, usually I’d ask you to step out, this is not a pleasant process.” 

Alfred sensed the hesitation in the doctor’s voice and took his chances. “No, I’d like to stay. I’d like to help, if I can.”

The doctor signed but instructed Alfred to help him sit Edward upright so he could unwind the thick layer of bandage and gauze from around Edward’s chest. The wound was dark against the red skin around it. Alfred had to look away, the sight of it on Edward made him queasy.

“Are you alright Alfred? It can be a bit of a shock I know.”

“No I’m fine, just- I’m fine.” He gritted his teeth and helped Edward lie down. He looked better, neater, with clean bandages. Although he knew he shouldn’t, he couldn’t help but think Edward was probably over the worst of it. Surely he’d be better soon enough.

“Good, well I’ll leave you now. Although, Alfred, perhaps you should think about getting some proper rest.”

Alone together, Alfred started to comb his fingers through Edward’s hair. It was matted from sleep and he wished he had a proper brush, but Edward didn’t seem to care. He leant into the touch and closed his eyes again.

“When this is all over, I think we should leave London,” he spoke so quietly, Alfred almost didn’t hear.

“Leave? Where to?”

“Scotland. I’ve been thinking, I could work for my family’s bank, you could do, well, anything really. We could live, just us two.” A small smile found its way to Edward’s pale lips. 

“Hmm I’d like that. Where would we live?” Alfred replied, encouraging this new idea from Edward.

“I’ve thought of that too. My family’s town house in Edinburgh, or my grandmother had a small house on one of the islands in the west, on the coast. It’s rather pretty, I went there as a boy once.”

Alfred imagined them sharing a tiny cottage on the sea. Something like the one Victoria and Albert took shelter in, that night they got lost in Scotland. Images of an elderly Edward tending a vegetable patch and him watching from an old garden bench flickered through his mind. Maybe he could learn to farm or become a fisherman. He chuckled at the mental image of Edward trying to sail a fishing boat. He imagined them together by a fire with the wind howling outside, or in bed listening to the rain on the shutters. Silly little ideas really, but each new image of homeliness and comfort made his heart flutter.

“You’re smiling,” Edward said, raising his eyes to Alfred. He kissed the hand that Alfred had been running through his hair.

“I think it’s settled, you get better and we’re out of here. Together.”

 

3.  
“Sir, the Duchess is here.” The servant’s voice sounded rehearsed but there was a definite note of surprise too. She curtsied and turned to lead Alfred downstairs. 

The Duchess was waiting in the drawing room, she stood when Alfred entered the room. 

“How is he?”

“The doctor won’t say, but he looks better. I think he’s going to be alright!” He couldn’t hide the excitement in his voice, nor did he feel the need to; the Duchess knew enough.

“Alfred, be careful. You know his condition is serious.”

“Yes, yes but-“

“And you need to take care of yourself. I’ve come to take you home. You need a wash and some proper food.”

“No! I mean, what if something happens to Edward.”

“Then you can come straight back, but I’ve seen enough illness and injury in my lifetime to know you will be no good to that man if you start getting sick from not looking after yourself. I know he needs you, but he needs you to be well. If there’s no news, you can return tomorrow when you’ve had a decent sleep.”

The Duchess gave him a stern look, and although he desperately wanted to stay, he knew better to argue. 

His rooms were cold, having been uninhabited for a few days. His bed felt empty and found himself plagued by troubled sleep. He and Edward were at dinner, in a cottage, in his room, it did not matter where, the short dreams always ended up with a gunshot and Alfred waking in a cold sweat. 

He left early the next day to return to Edward.

 

4.  
Edward was not getting better.

He was still in bed; he hadn’t moved an inch since Alfred had left. There was a grey pallor to his skin and his eyes were nearly shut. The doctor looked solemnly at him. 

“May I have a word with you outside, Lord Paget.”

Alfred nodded, his mind had lost its ability to form words at the sight of Edward.

The doctor led him to the hallway. “I fear you need to prepare yourself for the worst. I do not believe he’ll make it to tomorrow with the condition he’s in.”

Alfred felt as if the floor had given way under him and he put an arm out to the wall to steady himself. 

“I don’t understand,” he looked at the doctor with wide blue eyes, “He was fine yesterday. He was getting better. I mean he can’t be-” _dying_ he thought, but he could not bring himself to say it.

“Yes, unfortunately there has been too much damage to his chest, and too much blood loss. There is nothing we can do. I’ve given him medicine so he is not in any pain,” it was the doctor’s turn to reach out. He put a sincere hand on Alfred’s shoulder. “I am so, so sorry. I will be back this evening and leave you to say your goodbyes.”

Alfred didn’t have an answer. He stood in the dark hallway, feeling more alone than he had ever felt. Edward had been better. They had talked, laughed, they'd made plans to to run away together. He couldn’t-

It took all his courage not to turn around and run away; somehow, he felt that entering that room meant accepting the doctor’s words. 

“Hello, Edward. Can you hear me?” He asked softly as he closed the door behind him. He sat down on the bed next to Edward and put an arm around him. It didn’t much matter if he moved Edward, not now. “It’s me, Alfred.”

There was a mumble from Edward, a muffled yes. He felt Edward lean against him; even though he was taller than Alfred, he seemed so much smaller now than he had done in the days before. 

“Edward, I want you to know-” he felt the tears start to leave his eyes but tried to keep his voice steady. He wasn’t sure Edward was listening, but it mattered to home nonetheless. “I need you to know I love you. I always will. And one day, we’ll be together in a little cottage in Scotland, just the two of us. And there won’t be a damned thing anyone can do. And we’ll be together, I promise.” 

He was holding Edward tight to him, and kissed the top of his head once more. 

There was another murmur, a contented sigh from Edward, and then he was gone, just like the doctor had said.

There was a small knock on the door – the Duchess entered. 

“Shh, you don’t have to stand.” She said as she made her way to the chair Edward had occupied a few nights ago. After a moment she pressed a hand against Alfred’s shoulder. “I think it’s time to go.”

 

She held his hand in the carriage back to the palace, stopping him before he could get out.

“Oh, my poor boy, I’m old but I’m no fool; I know what he meant to you. I suggest you go to your room and compose yourself. And remember, at the funeral the chief mourners will be his mother and his fiancée,” she paused, “I’m _so_ sorry Alfred. I can’t think how you must be feeling.”

 

Something deep inside him told him he would never quite be able to get over Edward, that the loss he felt now would stay with him, but in the coming years he would take comfort in the fact that _at least he got to say goodbye_.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun facts:  
> -I have a lot of coursework i should be writing instead of this  
> -In criminal law we looked at the M'Naghten rules for the defense of insanity that comes from the case of the guy who shot drummond and I was wrecked. again.  
> -From now on Drummond lives  
> -this fic is titled "eeeeurgh" on my laptop cos I am so unsure of it
> 
> Feel free to leave kudos or a comment. Or if you really enjoyed it give a student a coffee: http://ko-fi.com/navyblue


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